ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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