Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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