She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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