don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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