Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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