How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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