I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
