Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He felt like a one man threesome
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You took a bar mat shot.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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