Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
