Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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