i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
this boner is exhausting
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
