there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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