I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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