actually, I'm a sock model
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
