I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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