Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
