he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
This toilet bowl is my home.
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