you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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