Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
You left your phone here
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