Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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