The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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