haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
