either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
