The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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