I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
