I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
