I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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