My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
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