three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
