I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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