why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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