i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize