people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
