I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
