he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
