Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize