dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i just had sex bonerless
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
