wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize