A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Also, beer. Big fan.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize