I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
