I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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