I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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