Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
