I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
