You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
