Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm getting married
To pizza
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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