batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
