Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
