Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
