who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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