His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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