maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
