I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
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