dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Randomize
