We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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