Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
