Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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