on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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