Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
