so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
