You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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